tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43879951774982021732024-02-19T06:40:52.709-08:00Blissful Bipolar BluesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-24802357060051924912016-04-27T20:51:00.001-07:002016-04-27T20:55:41.488-07:00Open Letter to the Crazy Lady Who Thinks ADHD is Curable Through Diet<p dir="ltr">Excuse me. I am sorry, but your ignorance is showing. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You can not clump everyone together and say it's diet. We have tried ruling out certain foods, we have tried including certain foods, I have tried it all. Then I stopped and accepted it was just my children's genes. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I am Bipolar, my husband has ADHD ( we didn't not realize this until our son was diagnosed. Too many similarities.) There are many family members with Asperger's  (High functioning Autism). Two of my children (if not all 3... My youngest is showing signs) have ADHD.  My son's ADHD is pretty severe and he has a mood disorder. My eldest daughter has all 3: ASPERGER's, ADHD and Bipolar. She calls herself a Trifecta. I thinks she's more like a triple threat! </p>
<p dir="ltr">If you think for a minute, I haven't tried it all, think again.  I too know enough and been through enough. All it has taught me, is that every person's situation is different and to judge others based on your experiences is nothing but ignorance. Diet does not cure true ADHD. It may elevate some symptoms in some people, but not all. And when you stop said diet, it all comes back. Ya. Not a cure.</p>
<p dir="ltr">BTW, some of us have to be "drugged for life" and are very happy said drugs exist. Without them, I would not be alive today. And, Thanks to those drugs, you wouldn't know my illness if you met me. You definitely wouldn't know I was "drugged." And for all that, I am beyond thankful. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So, you go right ahead and go to your expensive doc. Just don't preach about the pharmacy taking all my money. I spend less than you do and my kids are just as happy. But hey, if the diet is working for you? Awesome. To each their own. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Just don't think for minute you know what is best for me and my kids or Joe Blow and his. Because honey? You're clueless.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-24398043311374295642015-03-13T10:01:00.000-07:002015-03-13T10:01:33.793-07:00Blowing Out the CobwebsHi y'all! <div>
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I know. I know. It has been a long while. And I know you understand. Or at least you attempt to. And I thank you. I am going to attempt.... scratch that.... I AM going to make a come back.</div>
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Hoping you come back with me. </div>
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Just give me some time to blow out all the cobwebs and I will be back. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9fm1TMj8STTWgWrcpt6hKHTlQY36T2meRlpgz7hZHSNxQewKhCeDkuYBu9CQtVfs34j3NBrQSB1HBEHpn1bRJnWTZ0_a-AgleSaKwbMqslspP-QmqA3dTR860YaQiyBwlr424l1LGlrY/s1600/1739.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9fm1TMj8STTWgWrcpt6hKHTlQY36T2meRlpgz7hZHSNxQewKhCeDkuYBu9CQtVfs34j3NBrQSB1HBEHpn1bRJnWTZ0_a-AgleSaKwbMqslspP-QmqA3dTR860YaQiyBwlr424l1LGlrY/s1600/1739.jpg" height="200" width="187" /></a></div>
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And then, it will be just you, me and my cup of coffee.</div>
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Oh, and my 4 year old.</div>
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And maybe a couple guest writers?</div>
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And maybe vlogging?</div>
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We'll see. </div>
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Just .... come back.</div>
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Please?</div>
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Much Love,</div>
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- KidLit!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-34328566032431219282014-05-29T13:33:00.000-07:002014-05-29T14:18:24.630-07:00Here and AliveI am here and alive. I know. It's been awhile. The name of my blog should really explain it all, but it doesn't. Not completely. Nope. Can't blame it totally on mood swings. Not this time.<br />
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I would also blame it on lack of time, but that too would be a lie. I have the time. I just chose to do other things. Not that I don't want to blog. I do. It's just when I have a moment to myself, I veg and recoup. To explain why, I have decided to fashion a list. Easier for me to write and probably easier for you to follow. Trust me, if I typed this out in paragraphs, it would take for ever and get really wordy. In short, it would suck.<br />
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Long story short (as humanly possible), I give you:<br />
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<strong>What I did on my Blog Vacation</strong></div>
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(the cliff notes)</div>
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I attempted to run two blogs. Twice the pressure to get in here. HA!</div>
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My eldest was co-morbidly diagnosed with Asperger's a.k.a. High Functioning Autism</div>
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With new diagnosis came new treatment, therapy, etc.</div>
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Her condition got more apparent and more of a problem in school</div>
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She got her first I.E.P.</div>
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Homework got harder and we spent a lot of time getting it done.</div>
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Simultaneously, some of my friends starting having their own issues.</div>
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I had more and more kiddos at my house after school for homework help and daycare.</div>
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House started looking worse and worse.</div>
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Hubby lost his job.</div>
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My girlfriend lost her job.</div>
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I lost my daycare job because she didn't need me anymore that way.</div>
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My mom's bf lost his trucking job (temporarily due to health) and is here a lot more than</div>
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None of them are back to work yet and it has been months</div>
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The end of the school year is here. Along with it all the end of the year projects.</div>
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Science fair projects suck.</div>
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Homework sucks.</div>
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My daughter is graduating elementary school and will no longer be walking down the block to go to school.</div>
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Prepping for her to go to another school is scary as hell.</div>
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Once school is out, both of my girls have their birthday's to celebrate. (3 days shy of 8 years apart. yeay me.)</div>
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Father's day</div>
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Hubby and I will be celebrating 14 years together shortly there after </div>
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all 3 kids will be home for 3 months and I don't have a plan or money to pull one off</div>
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The stress from all the above (plus) has thrown off my levels making me very unstable at times.</div>
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That has led to a med change or too.</div>
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oh, and eldest has had a few med changes too, hoping to settle her drastic changes in mood and condition.</div>
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Med changes suck. </div>
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The mood stabilizer was removed to see if she was indeed Bipolar.</div>
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She is.</div>
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I think that is enough for now. More later. Hopefully not months now.</div>
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Namaste?</div>
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KidLit</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-84906742103370950852014-05-05T14:31:00.002-07:002014-06-10T20:34:51.090-07:00Like I Had a Choice<p dir="ltr">It hit over 100 here today.  I hate heat. Never been a fan.  Luckily,  a wonderful breeze has kicked up and it is starting to cool down nicely. It's like nature's way of saying "I know that sucked. Here's your reward for being so patient."  Ya.  Like we had a choice.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Tomorrow,  my beloved 11 year old daughter will be graduating from the 6th grade. It's been a long twisted road.  In the past 6+ years, she has struggled with symptoms, therapies, med changes, evaluations, and compounding diagnoses. And all with a smile on her face. She has unknowingly melted hearts,  opened minds and squashed the negative stuff stigma is made of.  All by just being Cait. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Tomorrow, she will be receiving her elementary school diploma.  Her first educational document of completion. The school boards way of saying "I know that sucked. Here's your reward for being so patient." Ya. Like she had a choice. </p>
<p dir="ltr"><b>My Daughter's</b> <b>Back Story</b>: Cait is 11 years old. She has Bipolar II, High Functioning Autism formerly known as Asperger's, identified gifted and ADHD. She has a strong love of art and penguins. She wants to be a science teacher,  a director,  or build robots when she grows up. She might just do all three. ♡</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-65978475495206597602014-02-14T12:08:00.002-08:002014-02-14T12:09:55.098-08:00Happy Day o' LoveValentine's Day. Ugh.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I love my man. I love my kids. I love my friends and the rest of my family. I do. I just don't like having a day dedicated to having to prove it. Or worse, hoping to be worthy enough to receive it.<br />
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"How much do you love me? Oh, just a card worth? Wow. And here, I got you chocolate! Bitch."<br />
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I know it's not a contest, but it has always felt that way. Especially in elementary school with the dreaded cardboard mail boxes. I was sure my cards with be met with reactions of disgust. I feared I would get all the ugly ones in return. No one ever seemed thrilled with all the time and effort I put into picking just the right crappy ass card for each classmate. And if I just assigned them at random, the brats would read too much into them and tease the recipient of my sappiest one. No, Sir Poopy Head, I did NOT give you the "key to my heart!" It just says that!! Be glad you one from each kid in the class and shut up!<br />
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<span style="background-color: #dddddd;"></span><br />
Needless to say, I was glad that torture stopped after 6th grade. Well, sort of.<br />
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<strike>Jr. High </strike> Sorry. "Middle School" brought in a whole new form of Valentine torture. Only getting one if someone liked you. Ya, that didn't work out well for me either. See, we had Candy Grams. *sarcastic "yeay" dance* Every year, students would buy whatever the school put together (usually a piece candy and some heart themed slip of paper) and fill it out for the friends/love interests/teachers/zombies/stalking targets of their choosing. Then they would delivered on Valentine's Day to one of their classrooms. For many, this was considered fun. To me, it was torture. I remember this one girl who was so popular, it seemed she was always getting them. It was insane! I mean, really. How many friends/S.O.s/zombies/stalkers did she have?!? I... maybe... got one a year. Maybe. I wanted to hate her. I really did. But on top of being soooo freakin' popular, she was actually really sweet. It was most annoying. <br />
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Anyway, she wasn't the only one getting multiples and I wasn't among them so, ya.... No complex brewing there! None. At. All. <br />
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Luckily, they didn't do that so much in high school. That and I was so messed up mentally, I didn't notice if they did. And I had a steady, back to back, run of boyfriends by that time. Although they were just as mental as m,e for the most part, I never went with out on the "day o' love." I would at least get a plastic rose. You know the kind sold at the liquor stores? Wrapped like a real one and accompanied with a tiny fuzzy bear? Sometimes scented? Those were quite popular then. Sadly. Had quite the collection for awhile there. So it wasn't all bad. I guess. <br />
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While Valentine's Day is much better for me now, I am still on the fence about it. Some years, I am all into it. I buy a lot of cutesy crap for everyone. This year, I just feel like I did when I was a kid. Not so much the competition part, but the bleh part. What does it matter if it is cutesy and personalized for each person? Why can't I just sign a bunch of flimsy character cards and throw them at people? Will it really matter? I'm just not feeling it. All I have done for today has been the kids class cards and a card I found in an end cap for my man. (although, it is a really cute card.) I don't know. <br />
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Here's hoping YOUR Valentine's Day is much better than mine. May your mental state be on an up swing and you are open to all the wonderful things people bless you with today. May you feel the love from your loved ones, no matter what the form it comes in. And may you be able to return it. Even if it is in the form of a hug ... and maybe a plastic perfume sprayed flower from the corner store.<br />
<br />
Love and Be loved.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-75868538264025540462014-02-08T20:09:00.001-08:002014-02-08T20:09:00.710-08:00Social Anxiety Sucks<p dir=ltr>I've been told in the past, I have a way with words. That I'm articulate, outgoing,  well spoken and intelligent. At times I would agree. Around close personal friends, I have the gift of the gab. On behalf of my children, I have become quite the advocate and ambassador. With a keyboard at my finger tips, paragraphs pour out with reckless abandon. Debate me in a topic I'm passionate about and it is game on!  </p>
<p dir=ltr>Put me in a social gathering of 5 or more people however, and I lose the ability to complete an intelligent sentence.</p>
<p dir=ltr>Words become foreign. Thoughts jumbled. All eyes seem to fall on me and suddendly I find myslelf paralyzed in a panic I can only compare to stage frieght. I want to hide. I want to run. I want to be anywhere but there. Even with groups of people I have known for years. My anxiety defies all logic and understanding. Despite all reassurances,  and acceptance from those around me , it thrives and at times is crippling. It has kept me from birthdays parties, reunions , and countless other events I would have otherwise loved to have attended.</p>
<p dir=ltr>Social anxiety. It sucks. It sucks away your will. It sucks away your ambition. Your drive. Your dreams. Your overall sense of self esteem. And replaces them with the lie that you aren't good enough. </p>
<p dir=ltr>A lie. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Social Anxiety is a crippling fear built up deep with in, based on a lie. A self told, deeply rooted lie. </p>
<p dir=ltr>I am good enough. I am worthy. I do belong. </p>
<p dir=ltr>And so do you.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-90477883330193984762014-02-06T11:41:00.000-08:002014-02-06T11:45:21.030-08:00Back from Beyond the BluesHi all. <br />
<br />
I know. I've been MIA for... ever. Confession? I was truly thinking about closing this blog down. Lack of interest on MY part. I suck at blogging. No big surprise there. But then I saw the blog stats. Wow. It has had a lot of traffic for being so small. And no surprise. Bipolar Disorder is a hot topic lately. Either you have it, you know someone with it, you saw it on TV, or your favorite character now has it. Stigma is being fought against a lot here lately and I am thrilled.<br />
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Well, about that at least. Otherwise, I have been a hot roller coaster of a mess. Why? The Holiday Blues. THEY SUCK!! Add in any external stress and... BAM! You. Are. Screwed. So, here it is February and I am still takin' sick days to recoup. Ok. Months. The last 6 or 8 months have been one wild ride. I will so spare you the details. <br />
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Ok. I lie. I will share some. That's what blogs are for, right? Right. I don't want to overwhelm you though, so how about some bullet points? I like bullet points. :0)<br />
<ul>
<li><u>New Diagnosis In the House</u>! My beautiful bipolar child mentioned a previous post? Turns out, she is also mildly Autistic. Asperger's, actually. Although, it is no longer called Asperger's. It is now called "High Functioning Autism." I have mixed feelings on that. I will save that nugget for a whole new post. </li>
<li><u>My Body Tried to Kill Me</u>. Twice. No, really! Well, ok. My endometrium tried first with the almighty C word. Then, when that didn't work, my uterus got pissed and took a stab at it. After 9 or more bags of donated blood a week or so vacation a la hospital and bonus hysterectomy, all is well. By the way, if you donate blood? Thank you. No, really. I mean it. </li>
<li><u>"Toddler Terror" is Taking on a Whole New Meaning</u>. My cute little toddler is now 3 and ... wow. Can we say "Diva?" Big time. She is the first child of mine to be so dramatic that I have seriously been concerned about the Bipolar gene being present. She is brilliant, but boy, does she have an anger streak! We have already started teaching coping skills to this one. Ya. It's like that. Again, a nugget for another day.</li>
<li><u>Wait. The Recession is Over?!? Say's Who?!?</u> My beloved S.O. went from "permanently" employed and promoted to a manager, to unemployed due to cut backs (just after Christmas. of course.), to temporarily employed as a fill in for someone on leave, to unemployed because THEY were cut. Fun times. Not.</li>
<li><u>The Boy is a Very Happy Camper.</u> My 8 year old son finally is free of his leg braces. He was a toe walker and has been in braces or about a year and a half. A year and half of whining about doing his stretches. A year and half of complaining about how the braces feel/fit/look funny. A year and a half of pulling him from school for physical therapy and orthotic appointments. Thank God for insurance. Those braces weren't cheap! Especially with a boy who breaks everything just looking at them. ADHD. Need I say more?</li>
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I am sure there is a lot more to say. Nuggets. Lots of nuggets. Even more reason to stay around. Or at least attempt to. Keep in mind this IS a Bipolar blog written by a Bipolar. A very unorganized, chaotic, Mom of 3, well caffeinated, Bipolar. Yes, I know being Bipolar has very little to do with me being a flake, but hey... Go with it.<br />
<br />
Or at least I hope you do. I will promise to post again. If you promise to come back. No time restrictions. Just a mild commitment with out any strings. Deal? ;0)<br />
<br />
~ KidLit ;0)<br />
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<!--3-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-69029077920582616532013-05-25T15:10:00.001-07:002013-05-25T15:15:02.832-07:00Do They Have Overnight Camp for 3 Day Weekends?!?"Happy Memorial 3 Day Weekend, Y'all!!" I say with a forced smile on my face. Inwardly, it's more of a high pitched scream with a major sense of panic mixed in. <br />
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Why, you ask? <br />
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My 3 children. My 3 beautiful, sweet, caring, screaming, fighting, overly sensitive, ready-to-throw-down-over-the-remote, "Mom, he's touching me!", "No! Bugga, that's MINE!", "MINE! MINE! MINE!"... children. Don't get me wrong. I love them. Truly, I do. I just can not stand the close to constant bickering and fighting. <br />
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Sometimes, they get along. Sometimes, the thing that irks me isn't the bickering. It's the boredom. Not MY boredom! Theirs! "Mom, I'm bored." "Mom, there's nothing to do," which really means "You banned us from the TV and all other electronic devices and we don't know what to do now." And they NEVER like the options I give them: go outside and get some sun before people think you're vampires... play with your sadly neglected toys before I give them to that poor kid down the block who only has dirt to play with... clean your room so your baby sister doesn't get lost again... Somehow, they think I am suddenly going to come up with this fantabulous plan that's going to blow their minds away and occupy their entire afternoon and instill them with fond filled memories they will look back on for years to come. *sigh* Honestly, it's like they've never even met me.<br />
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There are times, once in a great while, they not only get along, but they also come up with the greatest ideas. They once made a museum, complete with featured art made by themselves, and charged admission for a tour. (we scored free tickets) They created a restaurant drive through using a box, 2 cans and some string. I have pictures of that somewhere. Right now, they are playing water park with the dollar store sprinkler attached to the hose outback. They are laughing and truly enjoying each other's company. I like moments like that.<br />
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It's the moments they're crying and screaming at each other because someone looked at someone wrong, that make me wish there was an affordable 3 Day Memorial Weekend Kid's Overnight Camp!<br />
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Not that I would do it. Just sayin'.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-59952393830728707262013-05-15T16:01:00.001-07:002013-05-15T17:25:51.948-07:00I love my children. l love my children. I love my children. Things you chant to keep yourself sane in the midde of the night.<br />
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Been awhile. I know. Been busy being... *sigh* Bipolar. Well, that and 40, falling apart, and a mom.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWQCk_spMKyYzG8H8DdpbLBwBIfoE0ULNQii-6RngMx46Dwsf2qNZdcNDFQQn1iDUaK-nAld0gUkbG_rqxwzwe00YWAjQk3gAJlmhh6gOVsO4BhIb656Y21p99B4psILLDM8cZDAiQh4U/s1600/me-to-you-blue-nose-friends-figurine-chalky-the-polar-bear-no-15-1504-p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWQCk_spMKyYzG8H8DdpbLBwBIfoE0ULNQii-6RngMx46Dwsf2qNZdcNDFQQn1iDUaK-nAld0gUkbG_rqxwzwe00YWAjQk3gAJlmhh6gOVsO4BhIb656Y21p99B4psILLDM8cZDAiQh4U/s200/me-to-you-blue-nose-friends-figurine-chalky-the-polar-bear-no-15-1504-p.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Isn't he cute? This is so me right now.</em><br />
<em>Can I just adopt him as my mascot?</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I am currently in month 3 of the Megace for the precancerous mass thing. Fun times. It has put my body and my moods through the ringer. I am not a fan of it. It has maxed my stressful limits. And, I am sorry... Bipolars don't do STRESS!! *breath* If this was for anything other than a "potentially life saving effort" I would have been dead set against taking it anymore. <br />
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In case you are wondering... yes, this blog entry is going to be predominately me complaining. Sorry.<br />
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Well, ok. I guess I can add something not so "me bitching about me," and more worrying about my kiddos. Caitlin the Bipolar w/ ADHD and Liam, my sweet ADHD boy. I do have one other, but besides her wild child fits and Diva like demeanor, she hasn't warranted trips to the doctors and doesn't currently take any medication except for the occasional pain med or cough syrup. Yet.<br />
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Caitlin. My sweet awkward Cait is soon to be 11. Please pick me up off the floor. 11. Really? Ugh. She has been tasting the sweet hormones of preteen hell and has had several med adjustments as a result. She has also gained some extra poundage due to said adjustments. She has been craving sweets, secretly snacking, and putting it away like an adult twice her size at dinner time. She seems have come to a calm spot in her moods as a result though. She hasn't been losing her scruples over missing specks of dust or verbally exploding at her friends because they looked at her wrong. Thank goodness for that, because it was really starting to become a problem in school. Never good. Now, if we can just finish the year out with all its last minute "projects," we should be good.<br />
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Liam. My sweet boy. I just adore him to bits. Not that I love any one of my children more than the others, I just seem to have a different kind of relationship with him. He is my only boy, and was very attached to me for the first 4 years or so of his life. And oh, was soooo painfully shy! Anyway... he avoided the Bipolar curse, but not his Dad's ADHD. Yeah! *raspberries* Luckily, he is a relatively well behaved boy, otherwise I would think he was being a total butt head here as of late! He hasn't been doing what he's been told at home or in school. However, not in a "horrible child" kind of way. More in a "I totally didn't hear you and I am trying to act like I did and hopefully, I will figure it out from you repeating yourself or showing me" kind of way. So, being the responsible parent, I took his butt to get his ears checked. I mean it's possible he just isn't hearing people. Nope. Ears are fine. Middle ears are ok. No fluid. Ear drums look good. Test was aced. Ok... so, ADHD issue? Really? Yup. Apparently, he gets so involved in the conversations around him and his own thoughts, that he totally misses what is being said, even when the person is right in his face saying it. Wow. Needless to say, he has a med change in his very near future. And glasses. Because apparently, he can't see either. Fun times.<br />
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As for the baby... *sigh* There aren't enough nap times in the world. Honestly. How soon <em>can </em>you put a kid on melatonin? Ugh.
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-58471278874410405452013-03-11T15:20:00.000-07:002013-03-11T15:20:03.781-07:00New Development. Trichotillomania. Every school day, I do Cait's hair. It's long and it frustrates her to brush. However, she doesn't want to cut it just yet, because she looks good with long hair. I get it.<br />
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Lately, I have been thinking "Wow. We need to cut this poor girl's hair for summer." Yesterday, that thought extended some. "Wow. We need to cut this poor girl's hair for summer. Look at all the split ends. Especially up here on the top. Wait.... huh?"<br />
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So, after talking to her about it, she breaks down and says she has been snapping hairs during math. Surprising. I thought she was good in math. <br />
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"Not here lately. I learn it and then the next day, I forget it all! Then the tests, I get confused! And I pull my hair..."<br />
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So many things happen in my head at this point. Concern being the main thing of course. Luckily, she has an appointment already made at the end of the week. I calmly comb her hair back in a top pony, suggest snapping at a bracelet instead, and remind her that she will be seeing the doctor soon. She cries. I cry. Dad comes in and I find myself in a defense posture mode, like... "don't get on her, it is a bad moment" and he just hugs her. <br />
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This isn't the first time she has shown signs of this. Before meds, she would suck on her hair, rub it on her lip, and eat it. She would also chew on her shirt. At the time, we didn't realize "IT" had a name: Trichotillomania. Luckily, it isn't her main issue. In some, it can be really bad... like, stomach issues, bowel blockage, etc. Bad.<br />
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Looking into it, made me further understand one of my own weird stress relievers: Dermatillomania. Didn't even know there was a name of it! (I am learning lots of crazy stuff today! ooh. "Crazy." Bad pun.) Dermatillomania is the picking of the skin. Popping of zits, scraping of scabs, picking of dead skin.... sorry if I grossed you out. I only do it when I am beyond stressed and/or in the need of a serious med change. Seems my daughter does hers for the same reasons. Warning signs are always handy to know.<br />
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This appointment can not come soon enough.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-1015239856956084632013-03-08T12:14:00.000-08:002013-03-11T14:48:34.478-07:00Pre-Cancerous... Situational? or Med Adjustment Worthy?Bad day... again.<br />
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Realizing that I am NOT handling the whole "pre-cancerous" thing as well as I thought. Don't get me wrong, I am elated we caught it this early. I am thrilled we caught this all when we did, but... I still have huge moments of "WHY ME?!?!?" And I feel guilty that I have them. Stupid? Eh. I don't know what or how to feel anymore. My anxiety is at an all time high right now. I never wanted to make a big deal out of it. Not like it's gonna kill me. I mean, it is capable... but medicine is sooo advanced now, and the plan is practically fail safe. Worst case scenario, I have a small procedure done and *poof* gone! And yet, I am still a hot mess. <br />
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I thought my mood was pretty stable. Then something didn't go as plan and I lost my cool! BIG! At the time, I blamed the situation. How DARE that happen! It was so not supposed to go down like that! What, you ask? Does it really matter? Nah. It could have been the way the mail landed in the box that set me off. The actual triggering event, not that important. Although... I didn't think so at the time. Well, until something else semi-trivial set me off. I then sat back and took stock. What the heck was up?!? It was then, I lost my cool and broke down crying. I realized... I'm afraid.<br />
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So, does something like this count as a situation thing I just have to go through? I mean, anyone would freak if faced with something that (if totally left alone) could kill them. However, being that I am a ticking emotional time bomb (a.k.a. Bipolar), should I take extra precautions and get my meds adjusted? <br />
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To answer this question, I look to how I deal with my daughter's moods. Here recently, she has been a bit more on the hyper side. Or so I thought. She's been bouncy a bit more, laughing a bit too much... however, she has been doing really well in school and actually been social! (that's huge by the way.) Then other signs started popping up. She couldn't stop laughing without leaving the room, she couldn't focus on her homework, she demanded attention and took charge when in a large group of kids, sometimes by force (yelling and being a bully). She went from amazingly social, to socialite. Little red flags started popping up all over the place. However, she still seemed to be on top of her school work, she wasn't hurting anyone, and her rants were primarily toward her brother. Until... one day started snapping at people in school (that was new!), she wasn't paying attention in class, and homework was not making it home. Now, it was obviously getting in her way of functioning properly in her day to day routine. (not to mention she voiced her dislike on how she felt.) It was then, I made her an appointment. Keeping this all in mind, I compared her situation to mine.<br />
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<strong>1. Is her behavior and mood getting in the way of her day to day? Yes.</strong> <br />
Is MY behavior and mood getting in the way of MY day to day?<em> </em>According to my family... yes. (sometimes you really need someone to evaluate this for you. you can't always see it for yourself.)<br />
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<strong>2. Is she comfortable with how she is behaving? No.</strong><br />
Am I comfortable with how I am behaving? No! Can't say I am a big fan of crying and getting mad.<br />
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<strong>3. Are there any stressers causing this recent change? Well, yes and no. She is a pre-teen. Some change is normal. However, as we were warned, with teen years, comes med changes. </strong><br />
Are there any stressers..... <strong>YES!!!! </strong>And here is where I get thrown. It's situational!! This would happen to anyone in this situation! But it is a long situation. Long stressful situations can cause a total hick up your delicate chemical balance. But, it is situational!! UGH!!<br />
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OK, so I think I have answered my own question. In order to insure I live through this (and not drive my family totally insane with my own insanity), I think I am going to have to go in and get assessed for a potential medication adjustment. This alone, freaks me out!! I just got on the Cymbalta and Trileptal combo! I was loving it! It was working fabulously! WHY did this have to come along and MESS IT ALL UP?!?!?<br />
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(.... again... with the "why me." Give it a rest already lady! You were chosen. You are special. You wanted to avoid any more children at all cost... here ya go! You are welcome! NOT, SHUT UP!) Isn't my internal dialog so nice and nurturing? What a bitch!<br />
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OK, so I am going to make the call. Not happy, but I going to make the call. I can not rely on taking Ativan every freakin' time I lose my mind! It isn't the answer. Well, it is an answer, but it isn't the BEST answer. (I hate freakin' med changes.) Taking care of me to take care of my family is the most important thing, so....<br />
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I'll see y'all in a week or so with an update. Hopefully, it will be a good one so my internal-bitch can stop being so mean! ;0)<br />
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Namaste, Y'all!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-86403769994610163122013-03-04T23:24:00.000-08:002013-03-04T23:25:51.035-08:00A Happy Bipolar MessHey there my silent readers. I'm back. I'm still here and I'm feeling much better now. I know in my last post I was a bit.... stressed. Still am... a bit. However, I am happy and making the best of it. All is well. <br />
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Ok, I still have a few more previously published posts from my other blog I would like to share with you. Here are a couple about my (now 10 year old) daughter and fellow Bipolar happy mess. She is currently going through preteen changes and may need a bit of a med adjustment. Why do I say that? Oh, maybe because she came to me today and said, "When do we seeing (my doctor) next? I am having problems controlling my anger. And my giggling." That is my girl, y'all!!! *sigh* That's what I aimed for!! Self Recognition and Realization!! I didn't get good at that until... well... I'm STILL not good at that! *beams with pride* Love it!<br />
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<a href="http://kidlitskorner.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-have-two-pants-on.html" target="_blank">"I have two pants on!"<span id="goog_578570663"></span></a>: The other night, my eldest daughter came in to us because she had a nightmare. As usual, she couldn't remember what it was about, but she was visually shaken. And shirtless.... The next morning, we were in the kitchen making breakfast when she looked down and exclaimed "I have two pants on!" When I asked her why, she responded "I don't know." <br />
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<a href="http://kidlitskorner.blogspot.com/2011/08/portrait-of-beautiful-bipolar-child.html" target="_blank">Portrait of a Beautiful Bipolar Child</a>: My daughter gets her diagnosis.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-64917109106650741262013-02-26T16:15:00.001-08:002013-02-26T16:15:48.976-08:00And Then I Snapped.<div dir="ltr">
I started this blog to document my ups and downs so that others may see that they weren't alone. Also, so that those who deal with the mentally ill do not feel like their loved ones are the only ones afflicted. But then I have a bad day... and I hide instead of blogging... afraid of what you might think. It's been a bad day. I know I need to share. </div>
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I was recently diagnosed with a pre-cancerous mass in my endometrium which is the lining of my uterus. It sounds very serious when in reality is very easily treated. That been said, I'm scared out of my wits! It's been a lot to take in. I have hope... lots of hope. I am extremely confident that this will be taking care of, but it still scares the heck out of me. What if something goes wrong? What if the medication doesn't work? What if I have to have a hysterectomy? What if it goes wrong? I know that's my anxieties talking. But they are legit questions. Right? I wish I could say that was the only thing bugging me. </div>
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On top of this already stressful event in my life, I have the rest of my regular stressful life. My Children have taken it upon themselves to fight with each other non stop for the last week or so. Nothing stops the bickering. There are several consignment sales coming up that I must prep for. The piles for which, have been staring me down every day from various corners of the house. My friends are struggling with mental health issues and keeping their marriage together. I have tried to mediate. It's not going so well. Then, I found out my Great Aunt passed away. While we weren't really close, it came as quite a blow. Her sister, my Grandmother, just passed in September. She and the 2 remaining uncles were there for the funeral. Then, to top it all off, my beloved S.O. has been out of work for 5 months now. While having him around has been nice, the tight budget has not. So, I guess it shouldn't have come as much of a surprise today, when my 2 year old decided to throw a hissy because she didn't get to go to school with Bubba and Sissy, I threw an even bigger one that required some friendly intervention, an Ativan, and "quiet time."</div>
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Most of these things I could probably handle on a regular day. Scratch that. Most of these things I could probably handle <em>separately</em> on a regular day. Grouped all together and top off with a steaming pile of reality check of my own mortality, makes for a disaster waiting to happen. Especially when stress is a major component to them all. I pushed past my limit today, no realizing that my limit had changed. And then I snapped.</div>
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I guess what I want you to take for this is, just because you were capable of doing something before, doesn't mean you will always be able to do so. With mental illness there are many factors that are always changing. Whether it's stress levels, medication levels, hormone levels, or even personal comfort levels... Things change. You have to be willing to adapt. Adapt or die. Seems a bit overly dramatic but... it is true. Suicides, heart attacks (brought on by stressful situations), and overdoses tend to happen when the stress levels are exremely high and people can not conceive any way out.</div>
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Although we may sometimes feel like we are super human, sadly we are not immortal. Be aware of your limits.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-77465465773885415112013-02-20T15:03:00.002-08:002013-03-04T23:27:05.281-08:00Xanax mom. Feuling the stigma!<div dir="ltr">
Sorry to interrupt you previously scheduled regurgitation . However I felt this <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/18/health/parents-antidepressants/index.html" target="_blank">Xanax Mom</a> article needed to be addressed.</div>
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Articles like these (and the stories with in it) do nothing but add fuel to the fire that is the stigma attached to mental illness as a whole. These are the times that we need to be the most vocal and persistent. These are the times when others are most likely to hear us. While many will already have chosen there negative opinions on the matter, there will also be those sitting on fence, looking for evidence of another point of view. These are the times when we need to speak out and speak up about our illnesses, our treatments, our histories.... and not just of the positive, but of the negative as well. They need to see it for all its guts and glory, it's good and bad, and hear of our victories and tales of defeat. Then, and only then, will others get a sense of where we have been, what we have gone through, and what we perceive our futures to be like. While it is true many might be "abusing the system", misdiagnosed and/or are overly prescribed medication, that is not true in every case. Those cases, my friends, are the tales that need to be told.</div>
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Mental illness isn't an epidemic, nor is it <em>the newest cop out.</em> It has always been around. 50, even 20 years ago, many of us where hidden away from the rest of society. We were stuck in mental institutions for months, if not years at a time, simply because no one knew what else to do with us. However, with current technologies and further understanding of the mind, there have been great strides in mental health care: better treatments, better therapies, better medication, and shorter hospitalizations (if any at all). Many of us who would've been drugged beyond belief and locked away in hideous conditions for the rest of our lives, are now (thanks to these new discoveries) capable of being productive members of society, just like everyone else. </div>
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If you met me in a coffee shop, you would not know looking at me that I suffer from a crippling mental disorder. I've often been told I look "normal." How could I possibly need medication when I seem so capable? My answer is this, "I am not capable, therefore I don't need medication. I am capable, because I take medication." That being said, I do not believe swallowing a pill is always the answer. In fact, I struggled with taking medication for many years. I did not want to be a slave to daily dosing. Moreover, I did not want to admit there was an actual problem. It took me 10 years to accept that my symptoms weren't just situational, and even longer to acknowledge they weren't going to just go away. And while being medicated was going to help me, it wasn't going to be a cure. Nor was it going to be the only tool I would use to maintain control of my life.</div>
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Getting back to this article, I think the things that angered me the most, were the responses below it. Many said they had tried medication before... it didn't work for them... when they got off them they felt much better... and therefore, that should be the case for everyone. Not so. Just because you tried something (literally ANYTHING) once and it didn't work for you, doesn't mean it won't work for anyone else. There will never be one treatment that will work for everyone. There will never be one medication that will produce the same results in every person who tries it. There will never be one illness that treats each person the same way. We will never be exactly alike. For that reason, one can not possibly judge someone else based on their experiences alone.<br />
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For many, medication is the answer. For most it is not. However there is a grey area where having to use them might be needed for a short period of time (like pain or cold medication). It is this grey area that our already fiery stigma gets its fuel. Everyone has emotions. Everyone has stress. Some have bouts of elevated stress due to situational issues (i.e. death of a loved one, divorce, becoming a new parent) Not everyone has it affect them in away that disrupts their lives or brings it to a screeching halt all together. Now, maybe this most recent argument is based on how stressful parenting can be and how we shouldn't rely on medication to be better parent, but just like I've stated before, not everything effects everyone the same way... even parenting. Parent or not, mother or not, no one should have to struggle with whether or not to stay alive, just because some person on then "net" fared motherhood just fine with out help. No one
should have to choose between their children or living. I choose my life for my children and therefore I chose medication.
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-58856878104511824112013-02-17T23:31:00.000-08:002013-02-17T23:35:46.750-08:00Suicide. True Taboo.<div dir="ltr">
Suicide. </div>
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It is a taboo word to most. More so to others who have known someone (or of someone) who pass by their own hand. Many think it's the desperate act of chicken. Others, a desperate cry for help that came too late. Some say it is an abomination of one's soul and God doesn't allow you to enter the gates of heaven. Those who attempt it, see as the only alternative, a silence to the madness, a sweet sleep that will finally take all the pain and struggle away. I see it as another brother or sister, losing the battle against an illness that even the strongest man alive would have troubles winning... with out the proper help.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWwOpzKnoETsbNWU8J5gKbboSkaGEEYiQKLB7hR6SoBhPxNECgGykaGnE6FLqcDbsIxKkSxucWi1bgTgyzMnP99nOXpEOeCRXkVHzZbbOdXBmmBk8lBWEnQXZrab9yGbP6-m8Pi3SaeZ0/s1600/RIP+flower.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="99" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWwOpzKnoETsbNWU8J5gKbboSkaGEEYiQKLB7hR6SoBhPxNECgGykaGnE6FLqcDbsIxKkSxucWi1bgTgyzMnP99nOXpEOeCRXkVHzZbbOdXBmmBk8lBWEnQXZrab9yGbP6-m8Pi3SaeZ0/s200/RIP+flower.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
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I opened my homepage to a news bit of yet another sister who lost the fight. RIP Country singer,<a href="http://music.yahoo.com/news/singer-mindy-mccready-dies-apparent-suicide-042201275.html" target="_blank"> Mindy McCready</a>. I didn't know you, but I felt your pain before. The only difference between you and me, is I made it through. This time.</div>
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It seems befitting that today I would be sharing this previous post. </div>
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<a href="http://kidlitskorner.blogspot.com/2011/02/not-to-be-dark-but-suicide-is-not.html" target="_blank">I Was a Chicken</a>: The Bloggess said in her post "Your friends and family want you…broken or not." I agree wholeheartedly. Damaged is far better than dead. </div>
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Marinate on that thought for a moment. </div>
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"Your friends and family want you... broken or not." Thank you <a href="http://thebloggess.com/" target="_blank">Bloggess</a>!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-44769396224198957812013-02-13T15:01:00.000-08:002013-02-17T23:36:31.251-08:00My Original Coming Out.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today, I have decided to share with you my original coming out post. This blog entry was in response to a mental awareness Coming Out movement started by fellow mental health advocate, <a href="http://www.colony-of-losers.com/wordpress/" target="_blank">Michael Kimber</a>. His attempts were embraced by many internet wide, including by Jenny Lawson, also known as <a href="http://thebloggess.com/" target="_blank">The Bloggess</a>. Her coming out post made her vast audience sit up and take notice. Many, like myself, joined the movement and posted our own. Little did I know where it would take me.</div>
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<a href="http://kidlitskorner.blogspot.com/2011/01/im-coming-out.html">I'm Coming Out!</a>: You read that right. I'm coming out. I am joining the movement. I have been out for the most part, but now it is time to jump out and slam the door shut behind me!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-46225378374562411102013-02-11T23:19:00.000-08:002013-02-13T14:55:15.689-08:00Happy to hear. Hard to bare.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hi again! It's me. <br />
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I figured I would start things off by posting a few things I posted in the past regaurding Bipolar disorder on my personal blog, <a href="http://kidlitskorner.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">KidLit's Korner</a>.<br />
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Today's post...<br />
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<a href="http://kidlitskorner.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-never-thought-i-would-be-so-happy-to.html" target="_blank">Happy to Hear. Hard to Bare</a>: I never thought I would be so happy to have any of my children official
diagnosed with anything. However, when it seemed my first born was following in
the long tradition of suffering from the "family curse," I felt the need to get
it documented as soon as possible. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIXmUsVOgD4an8x_Li_KW8Fz76W_x3dOwhJ82l-rYkIrnRWqspTRhblNQTp_LuAEcyXoy0HKJthmDyF93diaBpOK0ijWcXe1BUx6u-OW5p9hXmaM1IJdSM0NWPrTlUian3bXo6vqcXc4l/s1600/bipolar+bear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIXmUsVOgD4an8x_Li_KW8Fz76W_x3dOwhJ82l-rYkIrnRWqspTRhblNQTp_LuAEcyXoy0HKJthmDyF93diaBpOK0ijWcXe1BUx6u-OW5p9hXmaM1IJdSM0NWPrTlUian3bXo6vqcXc4l/s400/bipolar+bear.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4387995177498202173.post-49855129997992836342013-02-04T03:28:00.001-08:002013-02-06T14:11:27.469-08:00I Came Out. You Can To.Hello. My name is Tracey and I am Bipolar. <br />
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I know that sounds like the introduction to a 12 step program and I guess, in a way, it is. The first step: Coming Out! Announcing who I am. Stigma breeds in the darkness of the unknown. The only way to attack it head on is to step out into the light.<br />
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I came out of the comfort of darkness, and announced to the world I was Bipolar, a little over 2 years ago. Seems like it couldn't possibly be that long ago, but now, two years later, I have decided to share even more of my illness with the world in hopes of further breaking down the stigmatic walls of mental illness.<br />
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Since my coming out, I have found strength in sharing my struggles, victories and discoveries with others. Knowing that you aren't alone, and connecting with others who get you and accept you for who you are, is a very powerful thing. This blog was created in the hopes of spreading that same strength, camaraderie, and acceptance to others. Whether you are Bipolar or know someone who is, I encourage you to check back often as I attempt to keep track of the ups and downs of my illness, those of my daughter, and some of a few shared by my family and friends. I also hope to someday, include your stories so that we might become an even bigger, louder voice of support and unity.<br />
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There are others out there. <br />
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Welcome to my blog.<br />
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You are not alone. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14651918734258548344noreply@blogger.com0