Don't get me wrong, I love my man. I love my kids. I love my friends and the rest of my family. I do. I just don't like having a day dedicated to having to prove it. Or worse, hoping to be worthy enough to receive it.
"How much do you love me? Oh, just a card worth? Wow. And here, I got you chocolate! Bitch."
I know it's not a contest, but it has always felt that way. Especially in elementary school with the dreaded cardboard mail boxes. I was sure my cards with be met with reactions of disgust. I feared I would get all the ugly ones in return. No one ever seemed thrilled with all the time and effort I put into picking just the right crappy ass card for each classmate. And if I just assigned them at random, the brats would read too much into them and tease the recipient of my sappiest one. No, Sir Poopy Head, I did NOT give you the "key to my heart!" It just says that!! Be glad you one from each kid in the class and shut up!
Needless to say, I was glad that torture stopped after 6th grade. Well, sort of.
Anyway, she wasn't the only one getting multiples and I wasn't among them so, ya.... No complex brewing there! None. At. All.
Luckily, they didn't do that so much in high school. That and I was so messed up mentally, I didn't notice if they did. And I had a steady, back to back, run of boyfriends by that time. Although they were just as mental as m,e for the most part, I never went with out on the "day o' love." I would at least get a plastic rose. You know the kind sold at the liquor stores? Wrapped like a real one and accompanied with a tiny fuzzy bear? Sometimes scented? Those were quite popular then. Sadly. Had quite the collection for awhile there. So it wasn't all bad. I guess.
While Valentine's Day is much better for me now, I am still on the fence about it. Some years, I am all into it. I buy a lot of cutesy crap for everyone. This year, I just feel like I did when I was a kid. Not so much the competition part, but the bleh part. What does it matter if it is cutesy and personalized for each person? Why can't I just sign a bunch of flimsy character cards and throw them at people? Will it really matter? I'm just not feeling it. All I have done for today has been the kids class cards and a card I found in an end cap for my man. (although, it is a really cute card.) I don't know.
Here's hoping YOUR Valentine's Day is much better than mine. May your mental state be on an up swing and you are open to all the wonderful things people bless you with today. May you feel the love from your loved ones, no matter what the form it comes in. And may you be able to return it. Even if it is in the form of a hug ... and maybe a plastic perfume sprayed flower from the corner store.
Love and Be loved.