Saturday, February 8, 2014

Social Anxiety Sucks

I've been told in the past, I have a way with words. That I'm articulate, outgoing,  well spoken and intelligent. At times I would agree. Around close personal friends, I have the gift of the gab. On behalf of my children, I have become quite the advocate and ambassador. With a keyboard at my finger tips, paragraphs pour out with reckless abandon. Debate me in a topic I'm passionate about and it is game on! 

Put me in a social gathering of 5 or more people however, and I lose the ability to complete an intelligent sentence.

Words become foreign. Thoughts jumbled. All eyes seem to fall on me and suddendly I find myslelf paralyzed in a panic I can only compare to stage frieght. I want to hide. I want to run. I want to be anywhere but there. Even with groups of people I have known for years. My anxiety defies all logic and understanding. Despite all reassurances,  and acceptance from those around me , it thrives and at times is crippling. It has kept me from birthdays parties, reunions , and countless other events I would have otherwise loved to have attended.

Social anxiety. It sucks. It sucks away your will. It sucks away your ambition. Your drive. Your dreams. Your overall sense of self esteem. And replaces them with the lie that you aren't good enough.

A lie.

Social Anxiety is a crippling fear built up deep with in, based on a lie. A self told, deeply rooted lie.

I am good enough. I am worthy. I do belong.

And so do you.

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